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Joke: Satan's Sister

  • Aug. 4th, 2008 at 5:41 AM
Charley Brown


A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, “Do you know who I am?”

—The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

—”Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.

—”Nope, sure ain’t.” said the man.

—”Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?” asked Satan.

—”Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone.

—”Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?” persisted Satan.

—”Yep,” was the calm reply.

—”And you ‘re still not afraid?” asked Satan.

—”Nope,” said the old man.

—Totally perplexed, Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

—The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for 48 years.”

If I got a faint smile on your face, I feel totally satisfied. If not, I’ll try harder next time. Bye now!

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Joke: Government Aid Genius

  • Jul. 30th, 2008 at 2:39 AM
Foxkeh Football

36518.jpg THIRSTY COWBOY CACTUS image by f10f17m24


A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the barren Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst.

He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.  He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray suit.  There’s a calculator in his pocketbook.  He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

---"Well, cowboy,"
says the genie. "You know how I work.  You have three wishes."

---"I’m not falling for this." said the cowboy.   "I’m not going to trust a FEMA genie."

---"What do you have to lose?"  "You’ve got no transportation, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!," said the genie matter-of-factly.

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

---"O.K., I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink," said the thirsty cattleman.

***POOF***

The buckaroo finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

---"O.K., cowpoke, what’s your second wish,"  said the Fema genie.

---"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The wrangler finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

---"O.K. cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:  If the government offers to help you, there’s going to be a string attached.  Good Day!

Source:  Bits & Pieces

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Joke: Some Things You Just Can't Explain

  • Jul. 29th, 2008 at 5:14 AM
Charley Brown


Milking a cow is sometimes difficult to explain.

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking very depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking so depressed and he sadly replied, “Some things you just can’t explain. This morning I was outside milking my cow. As soon as the bucket was filled, the cow kicked it down with her left foot, so I tied up her left to a pole.”

“I began to fill up the bucket again, she kicked it down with her right foot, so I tied her right foot to a pole too.”

“As soon as I finished milkin’ her again, she knocked down the bucket with her tail, so I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.”

—”As I was tying up her tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can’t explain!”

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Auf wiedersehen!

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Joke: The Amazing Blind Man

  • Jul. 28th, 2008 at 5:33 AM
Foxkeh Football

Blind Man

An universal icon of a blind person.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m blind and can’t read the menu. Please, just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there.”

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

“Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have—meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner’s wife. He tells her what had just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

—“Sir, remember me? I’m the same blind man who came here a few days ago.”

—“I’m sorry sir, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork.”

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, “That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he’s going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, “Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.”

Mary reluctantly complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

“Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.”

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, “Hey I didn’t know that Mary worked here.”

Yep, this guy has an unbelievable nose. Bye-bye!

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Joke: Hauling The Bull

  • Jul. 23rd, 2008 at 5:02 AM
Charley Brown



There are two sisters, one is blonde and the other is brunette and they inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

No problem. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our farm. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, and then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, “I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable’.” The operator shakes his head in disbelief.

“How’s she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up and drive out here, to haul that bull back to your farm if you send her just the word ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “Very simple, my sister is a blonde. Comfortable is a big word. She’ll read it very slowly, com - for - da - bul.” “You see, easy as pie.”

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Joke: The Flying Puppy

  • Jul. 16th, 2008 at 10:34 AM
Charley Brown


puppy.jpg puppy image by Superdupervanessa


Bangdu's wife "Bholi" is out looking for a pet, and so she's looking around the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and tells her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just something for you Ma'am. I'll just get him."

With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few minutes later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that, throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.

There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say "my", he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in awe as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.

"He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she's on her way back home with the puppy to show her husband Bangdu. "Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!" she exclaims when she got home. "He can fly!"

Bangdu peers at the dog, and then remarks, "Fly eh? Ha! My foot!"  Ouch!

Source:  Jokes - Life is Colorful with Shugle!

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Joke: The Beautiful Sound of the Monastery

  • Jul. 15th, 2008 at 2:54 AM
Charley Brown
imageschuckle-20chuckle.png imageschuckle-20chuckle.png picture by epiac1216


A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound so beautiful like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his counting task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, “May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the key to the last door!”

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight!

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.  So start counting your blades of grass and your sand pebbles.   Adieu!

Source:  Bits & Pieces

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Joke: The Talking Clock

  • Jul. 14th, 2008 at 6:27 AM
Charley Brown



Proudly showing off her newly-leased-downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, the slightly drunk blonde led the way to her bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.

“What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the friend’s asked.

“Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking clock,” she replied drunkenly.

“A talking clock—seriously?”

“Yup.”

“How’s it work?” the second friend asked, squinting at it.

“Just Watch.” She picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, “For God’s sake you stupid monkey, it’s ten past three in the freaking morning!”.

“You see, it’s a talking clock”, said the smashed blonde.

Source: Art Flutter







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Joke: The Pharmacy Deal

  • Jul. 13th, 2008 at 8:17 AM
Charley Brown

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to, said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was anything she could help the gentleman with.

The man said sheepishly, “This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?”

The lady pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll go talk to my sister.”

When she returned, she said, “The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3,000 a month in living expenses.”  "Do you accept the deal?"

Source:  Bits & Pieces

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Kentucky Math

  • Jul. 12th, 2008 at 6:52 AM
Charley Brown


ear rings

The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from The University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

You gotta love those Kentucky women. Good Day!






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